First blog post

Hi, my name is Alyssa I am 16 years old, Mormon and bisexual. I also live in Utah where it’s full of.. you called it, mormons.

I decided to start this blog to bring awareness to my situation. So that people my age who are Mormon and lgbtq+ can find someone to relate to. In fact I also started this to not only help those people but to also help people who are mormon and don’t understand same-sex attraction. I hope you’ll like my blog and that you know you’re not alone!.


The Bisexual’s Burden

Years and yearsThats how long it takes

Not knowing who you are

As tears stream down your face
A conservative upbringing

Will break down your confidence

Words against the community will leave you stinging

As you are anything but commonness
Let the tears flow

You’ll soon find your way

For one day you’ll know

And it’ll be okay

Family Life

I have three siblings, two brothers and a sister. All of them are atleast 22 years old and married. My brother, Mark and his wife just left the church about a year ago. I only found out about two months ago.

Everyone else knew they had left except for me because my parents wanted to ‘protect’ me. I don’t care that they left. The church brings many people happiness and if it makes you happy great, that’s awesome. But for me it’s making me miserable hearing/seeing so many sexist and homophobic things.

When I found out that they aren’t Mormon anymore I was also glad because now I won’t be the first one to leave. Unfortunately It absolutely broke my parents hearts. I don’t know what I’m going to do I am so so sad because I don’t want to disappoint them but I also want to be free to love who I love.

Sunday thoughts


I met a gay couple

Ok ok to tell you the truth I didn’t meet them but I saw them!!! I was on a date actually in Salt Lake when two guys holding hands walked past us. And then I saw two girls hug then hold hands while walking!! I’ve never seen gay couples before and I saw two in one day. 

It helped me a lot to know that there are people like me and that someday when I’m older I will be able to hold hands with whoever I want to. Whether they’re a boy, girl, non-binary, a unicorn or whatever:). 

Even small actions like these can help so many people. I’m not in a position where I can freely hold hands in public and make people see how normal it is but one day I will be. 

 I almost laughed with joy when I saw them but alas I was on a date with a boy, a Mormon boy. I love you guys so much. You’re not alone.




This is hard to write about. I’ve been dealing with a lot of suicidal thoughts lately and I wanted to write about it in the hopes it will bring to light how much LGBT people go through.

The deterioration of marriage and family is talked about in the church a lot. I have friends that are Mormon and they all boycotted Beauty and The Beast because of one gay character. Where I grow up gay people are brought up a lot actually, but not in a good way. I’ve heard people in one of my classes talk about how gross gays are and that they’d kill themselves if they were gay. I’ve had a substitute teacher tell a gay boy in my sophomore math class about how he  is wrong.

I already have a hard time accepting myself in fact I still don’t most of the time. I have always thought that gay marriage is okay and there’s no reason for people to think it’s bad even before I realized I likes girls. And yet I can’t accept myself. I’ve thought about killing myself a lot. I don’t want to disappoint my parents. I can’t remain in the church if I marry a woman. I don’t believe in all of the churches teachings. I like girls and if I told them that I’m worried that they would send me into therapy. If I live a fake life I will never disappoint my parents deeply but I won’t be happy. Sometimes I think that suicide might be the only answer.

Love you all


Falling in love with a girl

It was Freshman year and where I live that’s still in Junior High. I had math lab first semester with Katie. I’ve known Katie since Kindergarten. We did homework with each other every day in that class. We’ve always been somewhat friends but that year we became true friends.. maybe even something more.         One day out of the blue Katie put her hand on mine while I was using the mouse I giggled and pulled my hand away. I asked her why she did that she just said don’t worry about it. The next day I put my hand on top of hers. We began to hold hands underneath our desk every day. In the mornings I would walk around the portables with her, we wouldn’t hold hands there. During this time we never talked about our feelings towards each other. We just talked, held hands and laughed with each other every day. 

   First semester ended and I was really sad that we didn’t have a class together 2nd semester. I had math lab still but she became a teachers assistant. I decided to go to the library during math lab one day when I saw her sitting at a computer. Her long golden blonde hair was curly and she looked beautiful. I pulled up a chair next to her and we did homework together and talked about us meeting at the library during this class everyday. 

        We met each other there all the time and when that class ended it was the last class of the day so I would walk with her to her locker. We started holding hands underneath a desk and once I saw a teacher look at us and wink at another teacher. I knew that I really liked Katie I just didn’t think about in what way until after school ended. That summer is when I realized that I obviously wasn’t straight.